Feeling Sorry for Myself Today

April 7, 2013

I recently got an email from a parent whose son is in Kolya’s class. She mentioned that Kolya was a STAR at the annual fundraising event that took place last evening for the Morgan Autism Center. She had attended the event and remarked that many times people were moved to tears while Kolya’s story was being shown on a video clip that was created at school. She made several comments and wanted to know what country he had been adopted from. I could answer only one question – where he was born.

Sadly, I had to answer that I had not seen the video. I had no idea what had been included. Even if I had seen the video I would not have been able to hear and understand what was being said about my son.  This type of experience has happened more times that you’d want to know.

Why didn’t I attend the event? First, one challenge would be to find someone to cover at home while I was out. Second, I’d have to purchase a ticket for the event for a sum that I didn’t want to pay. I also would have to go out and buy something to wear (I dislike shopping for clothes, especially something that I might only wear once). But mostly I didn’t want to go because I’d basically sit and have no idea what other people would be talking about at my table. For me, these situations are emotionally draining and I’d much rather just miss the event all together. I’ve sat through concerts that my sons participated in, graduations, award programs (including some that were for me), and even speeches my sons have given without having a clue what was being said.  So, I choose to stay home.

Do I have a right to feel sorry for myself on this beautiful spring day? I think so. However, I don’t allow myself to wallow these feelings for a long period of time. I usually try to take a moment to separate myself from “life” in the house: go outside and pull some weeds, take a walk around the block, or hide in the bathroom with something to read. So, I “just get over it” as some of my sons say and continue on with my day.